Have you ever wondered how people really experience you at work?
Not what you meant to say in that meeting, but what actually landed.
Not how you felt during that difficult conversation, but how the other person walked away feeling.
It’s easy to assume we’re being clear, fair, or approachable. But the reality is, we don’t experience ourselves at work, everyone else does.
After more than 20 years in HR, I’ve learned that the foundation for exceptional leadership is how you show up, day after day, in the moments that matter. I’ve worked across industries as varied as FMCG, wellness, retail, not-for-profit, events, and publishing, supporting teams as small as five and as large as 4,000.
And in every context, one principle continues to stand out. People don’t just remember what you say. They remember how you made them feel.
I’m Kristy, Director of Seed HR. With a background in Commerce, majoring in HR and Industrial Relations, and a continued passion for employment law and workplace psychology, I’ve spent my career helping leaders navigate the human side of business.
I’ve sat at the table as an advisor, a partner, and a people leader, and I’ve seen the impact that conscious leadership, communication, and feedback can have on a team’s culture and a company’s results.
This blog brings together some of the most valuable lessons I’ve learned (and witnessed) when it comes to how leaders are perceived and why that perception matters more than many realise.
Let’s explore what sets good leaders apart from great ones.
Self Awareness is a Leadership Superpower - And It Can Be Learned
Effective leadership begins with understanding yourself. For instance how you think, respond, and influence the people around you. Emotional intelligence sharpens decision-making, strengthens relationships, and enables leaders to navigate complexity with composure. It’s not a passive trait, it’s a skill developed through consistent reflection and a willingness to grow.
Leaders who actively cultivate this mindset build stronger, more resilient teams. They recognise that every interaction, whether it’s a team win, or a difficult day is an opportunity to learn something about how they lead. When you do you’ll start to notice that communication improves, and people feel safe to bring their best.
Across Australia, we’re seeing leaders like Reini Otter, CEO of Frasers Property Industrial, embrace this approach. His focus on mental health and personal growth has reshaped team culture and improved how leadership is experienced from the ground up.
You don’t need to overhaul everything to begin.
One conversation, one question, one pause in the middle of a busy day. That’s where it starts. Growth doesn’t always announce itself loudly. Sometimes, it’s a quiet decision to pay closer attention.
However awareness alone isn’t enough. Even seasoned leaders have habits they can’t see, until they start looking for them.
Everyone Has Blind Spots - Wise Leaders Go Looking for Theirs
No matter how experienced or capable you are whether you’re a strategic thinker, a supportive manager, or an effective delegator blind spots are inevitable. In fact, the more seasoned you become, the more likely you are to develop unconscious habits that go unnoticed.
That one line email you dashed off at 4:55 might feel efficient, but it could land as dismissive or impatient. Skimming through meetings might seem like time management, yet others may interpret it as disinterest.
Unseen habits don’t make you a bad leader - they make you a human one.
Great leaders accept that blind spots are part of the job and they stay proactive in closing the gap between what they meant and what others heard. They know that within that gap is where miscommunication, tension, and missed opportunities quietly take root.
Exceptional leaders ask thoughtful questions, seek diverse perspectives, and stay open to learning. The goal is to lead with greater awareness and impact. And by osmosis, they create cultures that value reflection, honesty, and growth.
They have a deep understanding that self-awareness doesn’t diminish confidence, it reinforces it.
So how do you uncover what others experience that you don’t?
You ask. Consistently … and with intention.
Asking for Feedback Is Exception Leadership in Action
Asking for feedback is often misunderstood. Some view it as a sign of uncertainty or self-doubt—but it’s one of the clearest indicators of strong, self-aware leadership.
Regular check-ins, whether it’s a quick debrief after a meeting or a casual conversation during a project, create space for honest dialogue. They also send a clear message that you’re listening, you care about how your message was received, and how they experienced it matters. You’re not fishing for compliments or inviting criticism for the sake of it. You’re staying connected to how your leadership is felt and received.
When a manager asked her team how the new process rollout felt in practice, she uncovered a key barrier that hadn’t been considered. This saved days of friction.
Used informally, feedback becomes a relational tool, one that keeps alignment on track before issues escalate.
It becomes a leadership asset, building the kind of culture where people speak up and step up.
Once you’re open to feedback, and realise it is a gift, your impact becomes clearer, and that’s where communication starts to really improve.
Great Leaders Know - It’s Not Just What You Say, It’s How You Say It
Have you ever had a moment where you thought you nailed that team meeting, only to be met with crickets, confusion, or, worse, an awkward silence?
You walked away feeling confident. They walked away wondering if you were annoyed, rushed, or just had too much coffee. Welcome to the gap between intention and impact.
In the rush of day-to-day demands, it’s easy to default to delivering the message and overlook how it actually lands.
You might think you're being clear, inspiring, or firm, but if your tone says “irritated” or your body language screams “I’ve got better things to do,” that message gets lost in translation.
The gap between what we say and what’s heard can shape a team’s entire experience of us.
Small tweaks in how you speak, when you pause, or even how you enter a room can completely reshape how your message is received. Being aware of that isn’t soft or self-conscious - it’s strategic. It’s your quiet power move.
When you take responsibility for how you’re experienced, you step into real influence.
How you're perceived shapes how you're followed. Leadership begins the moment you pause to consider the difference.
The best leaders don’t aim for perfection. They commit to awareness, curiosity, and growth. Whether it starts with one question or one moment of reflection, the shift is always worth it. When you lead with intention, people believe in you.